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Covid-19 Humor Dad Jokes

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  • Do you (a) quarantine with your wife and child, or (b)— ?
    B. Definitively.
  • What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?
    One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
  • What happen if I tell you a coronavirus joke now?
    You’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
  • What’s the best way to avoid touching your face?
    A glass of wine in each hand.
  • What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?
    Be patient.
  • Do you know what they’re saying about 2020?
    It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
  • What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine?
    Inside jokes!
  • What did the man say to the bartender?
    I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
  • You know who buys up all the toilet paper?
    A**holes.
  • What happens if Finland closes its borders?
    You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
  • What happens when nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed?
    It’s about to get ugly out there.
  • Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny?
    They’re in bad taste.
  • If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?
    There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
  • Why did my mom always tell me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day?
    Because look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
  • Why are there so many coronavirus jokes out there?
    It’s a pundemic.
  • Why do the grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them.
    All that’s left is de brie.
  • Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?
    It’s a long story….
  • What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever?
    Self, I so late.
  • Why would it be a shame for all of the coronavirus patients to be stuck at the airport trying to get home?
    It would cause a terminal illness.
  • Did you hear the joke about the germ?
    Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
  • Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke?
    It flu over his head.
  • What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?
    The wurst-kase scenario.
  • Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
    The dock!
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