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Valentines Day/Superbowl jokes

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  • What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
    "I'm stuck on you!"
  • Why are centipedes not allowed to play in the Superbowl?
    It takes too long to put their cleats on.
  • What did the painter say to her sweetheart?
    I love you with all my art.
  • Why did the football quit playing in the Super Bowl?
    It was tired of being kicked around.
  • What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
    Give me my quarter back!
  • Knock Knock Who's there? Olive Olive who?
    Olive you!
  • What did one volcano say to the other?
    I lava you
  • Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bea. Bea who?
    Bea my Valentine!
  • What dessert do they serve at the Super Bowl?
    Sundays.
  • What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?
    "I'm nuts about you!"
  • How do football players stay cool?
    By standing close to the fans.
  • What do you say to an octopus on Valentine’s Day?
    I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
  • What do you write in a slug's Valentine's Day card?
    "Be my Valen-slime!"
  • What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
    Hogs and kisses.
  • What did the raspberry say to his valentine?
    I love you berry much.
  • Knock Knock Who's there? Luke Luke who?
    Luke who got a Valentine!
  • What kind of candy is never on time?
    Choco-LATE.
  • Which Super Bowl player wears the biggest cleats?
    The one with the biggest feet!
  • What do you call the world's smallest Valentine’s Day card?
    A valen-teeny.
  • What kind of flowers should you NOT give on Valentine’s Day?
    Cauliflowers!