What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
One was charged and the other was let off.
What do you say to your friends on New Year's Eve?
"I haven't seen you since last year."
What did the dog say on New Year's?
Woof
What did the cheerleaders say on New Year's Day?
"Happy New Cheer!"
What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is ever awake to see them
What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
Moo Years Eve
What does a monster say on New Years?
Happy New Fear!
What does a field grow on Jan. 1?
New Year's hay
What is a corn's favorite holiday?
New Ear's Day
What does a dad say on New Year's Eve?
"I promise I won't tell any more dad jokes THIS YEAR."
What's the problem with jogging on New Year's Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
Turns over a new leaf
What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31?
New Year's Steve
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
To ring in the new year
Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
It's too far to walk
Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
Calendar companies
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year's Eve?
Hogs and kisses
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way
What's the best thing about New Year's Eve?
No more Christmas Carollers!
What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more
Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve?
Times Square
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7....
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
He got 12 months!
What's the official snack food of New Years?
Dick Clark Bar
What should you never eat on New Year's Eve?
Firecrackers
What is the most common New Years resolution?
1080p
What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
Happy BOO year!
What's the one group that hates New Year's Day?
The New Year's Even clean-up crew
What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more?
Watch TV with subtitles