What's the official snack food of New Years?
Dick Clark Bar
What is the most common New Years resolution?
1080p.
What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
Happy BOO year!
What's the best thing about New Year's Eve?
No more Christmas Carollers!
What did the dog say on New Year's?
Woof.
What does a monster say on New Years?
Happy New Fear!
Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
It's too far to walk.
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.
What do you say to your friends on New Year's Eve?
"I haven't seen you since last year."
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
To ring in the new year.
Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve?
Times Square.
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year's Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
He got 12 months!
What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
One was charged and the other was let off.
What should you never eat on New Year's Eve?
Firecrackers.
What did the cheerleaders say on New Year's Day?
"Happy New Cheer!"
What's the one group that hates New Year's Day?
The New Year's Even clean-up crew.
What is a corn's favorite holiday?
New Ear's Day.
What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
Moo Years Eve.
What's the problem with jogging on New Year's Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!
Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
Calendar companies.
What does a dad say on New Year's Eve?
"I promise I won't tell any more dad jokes THIS YEAR."
What does a field grow on Jan. 1?
New Year's hay
What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31?
New Year's Steve.
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7....
What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is ever awake to see them.
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
Turns over a new leaf.
What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more?
Watch TV with subtitles.
