I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home...
all the signs were there.
A man got hit in the head with a can of coke...
but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
What is a plumber's favorite shoes?
Clogs
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lac-toes.....come on, that was legendairy.
Say, Ernie, would you like some ice cream?
Sure Burt!
My friend David lost his ID.
Now we just call him Dave.
If you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns...
go for the juggler.
One tectonic plate bumped into another and said...
"Sorry, my fault."
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
You can't run through a campground...
You can only ran because it's past tents
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno!......Dos!!!"
The poof! He was gone without a tres.
Why was the mama firefly unhappy?
Because her kids weren't very bright.
What kind of music scares balloons?
Pop music.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup...
and just had the largest vowel movement ever.
Why did the orange stop halfway across the road?
Because it ran out of juice!
When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof...
I was shocked!
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky
At an ATM, this lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
What is a golf club's favorite type of music?
Swing
Have you hear the rumor about butter?
Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.
2 fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says...
"How do you drive this thing?!"
Is your refrigerator running?
Good, mine too! I will see you at the refrigerator race tomorrow!
Why are frogs always so happy?
Because they just eat whatever bugs them.
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A doyouthinkhesaurus?
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll
What goes "ooo, oooooo, oooo?"
A cow with no lips.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato
Whiteboards....
They are remarkable