How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.