What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.