Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.