Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!