How do you get two whales in a car?
Drive down the M4.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Then it would be a foot!
Why did the skeleton go to the dance alone?
Because he had no body to go with!
What do you call a spinning carrot?
A carrot-sel!
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a snake?
A jump rope.
What do you get if you cross a pirate and a robot?
Arrrrrr-2D2.
What is a witch's favorite subject?
Spelling!
What do ghosts wear on their feet?
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooots!
How does a dog stop a video?
By pressing the paws button.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
There was KFC on the other side!
There was a circus in town.
It was in tents.
What do you call Boots the monkey's angry cousin?
Furious George.
Why did the fish cross the road?
To get to the other tide.
What do calendars eat?
Dates!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Ba-dum-tsss!
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
It's pointless!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who?
Giddyup, cowboy!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One. After that, it's not empty.
What sound does a centipede with a wooden leg make?
99, thump, 99, thump, 99, thump
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't a chicken.
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A bagel.
What do you call a bear with no ears?
B
Why was Cinderella a bad baseball player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.
What does Cookie Monster say when he accepts cookies on a website?
Yes, me accept website cookies. Now where are cookies? Give me cookies!!!
A ship with red paint crashes into a ship with purple paint.
Both ships were marooned.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
Post office.
Why did the cookie complain about feeling sick?
He felt crummy!
Why couldn't the elephants go swimming at the pool?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!
Where did Spider-Man find a date for prom?
On the World Wide Web!
What did the announcer say when Mickey Mouse showed up before the other 23 racers?
Mickey Mouse wins!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the G!