First, I threw away the outside and cooked the inside. Then I ate the outside and threw away the inside. What did I eat?
Corn on the cob
If you are running in a race and you pass the person in second place, what place are you in?
Second place!
Three men were in a boat. It sinks, but only two got their hair wet. Why?
One was bald
Which three letters can frighten a thief away?
I C U
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow!
What goes up and down, but always remains in the same place?
Stairs
Some months have 31 days, others have 30 days, but how many have 28 days?
All the months have 28 days.
What fruit is always sad?
Blueberry!
If you have a bowl with six apples and you take away four, how many do you have?
The 4 you took away
How was it possible that every single person in an airplane crash died, but two people survived?
The two survivors were married.
Why did the clown visit the doctor?
Because he was feeling a bit funny!
I do not have any special powers, but I can predict the score of any football game before it begins. How can I do this?
Well, the score before any football game is always zero to zero!
You’re in a dark room with a candle, a wood stove, and a gas lamp. You only have one match, so what do you light first?
The match
You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
A telephone
What has a head, a tail, but does not have a body?
A coin!
What happens if you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
The hat gets wet!
Which letter of the alphabet holds the most water?
C (sea)
What is always coming, but never arrives?
Tomorrow
Why are pro basketball players considered cool?
Because they have so many fans!
Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I?
Fire
What kind of food do mummies like to eat?
Wraps!
If a rooster lays an egg on top of the barn roof, which way will it roll?
It will not roll, because roosters can not lay eggs.
How can you get the the strength and power to walk through walls?
By using the door!
Imagine that you are in a boat, in the middle of the sea. Suddenly, you are surrounded by hungry sharks, just waiting to feed on you. How can you put an end to this?
Stop imagining!
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
How can you go eight days without sleep?
Sleep at night!
What is full of holes but still holds water?
A sponge!
What has to be broken before you can use it?
An egg!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9
What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch or dinner!
What word is always pronounced wrong?
Wrong!
If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first?
None, because you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree
What color is the wind?
Blew!
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map!
What word would you use to describe a man who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
Normal, because people usually have half their fingers on one hand.
Who is bigger: Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, or their baby?
The baby, because he is a little bigger.
Jimmy’s mother had four children. She named the first Monday. She named the second Tuesday, and she named the third Wednesday. What is the name of the fourth child?
Jimmy, because Jimmy’s mother had four children!
How many sides does a circle have?
Two -- the inside and the outside!
What should a teacher do if there is a kidnapping at high school?
Wake them up!
What is it that has a bottom at the top of them?
Your legs!
What has an eye but can not see?
A Needle!
What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?
Your breath!
A plane crashes on the border of the US and Mexico. Where do they bury the survivors?
You do not bury the SURVIVORS!
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel
How did the boy kick his soccer ball ten feet, and then have it come back to him on its own?
He kicked it up.