Jokes - Family & Children

Milly: "What are you writing?" Molly: "I'm writing a letter to myself." Milly: "What does it say?" Molly: "_____do I know? - I won't get it till ______."

Teacher: "I hope I didn't see you _____ at someone else's _______, Jamie." Jamie: "I hope so too, teacher."

Peter: "My teacher was mad because I didn't know where the _____ were." Mother: Well, dear, next time ______ where you put things.

Two little boys were looking at an abstract painting in an art shop. "Let's ___," said one of them, "before they say we ____ it."

"My uncle gets a warm _______ wherever he goes." "He must be _____." "No, he's a ______."

Harry: "Have you read the Bible?" Sally: "No, I'm waiting for the ____."

Teacher: "Sidney, can you tell me how fast light _____?" Sidney: "I don't know, but it always gets here too ____ in the morning."

Mother: "Tommy, did you fall down with your good ______ on?" Tommy: Yes, Mom. I didn't have time to _____ them ____."

Bobby: "Dad, I'm too tired to do my homework. Dad: "Now, my boy, hard work never ____ anyone yet." Bobby: "Well, I don't want to run the risk of being the ____.

"Why are you _____ yourself, Mary?" "Because nobody else knows where I itch."

Little Bernie was taking his new dog for a walk when a police man stopped him. "Has your dog got a ____?" "Oh, no," answered Bernie. "He's not old enough to ____."

Father was showing Tommy the family album, and came ______ a picture of himself and his wife on their wedding day. "Was that the day Mommy came to _____ for us?" Tommy asked.

Learn from the mistakes of ______ - you can't live long enough to make them all by _______.

Auntie: "Well, Susan, what are you going to do when you're as big as your mother?" Susan: "Go on a ____."

"Mommy, does God use our bathroom?" "No, darling, why do you ask?" "Well, every morning Daddy ____ on the bathroom door and shouts, "Oh, ____, are you still in there?

Teacher: "Now can somebody tell me where elephants are _______?" Mary: "Well, elephants are so big they are hardly ever ______."

Little girl: "I was going to buy you some hankies for Christmas, Uncle, but I couldn't remember the ____ of your _____."

A little boy saw a grass snake for the first time: "Mother," he cried, "here is a ____ without a _____.

Auntie: "Well, Billy, how do you like school?" Billy: "____."

Teacher: "Bobby, can you name the four ____?" Bobby: Salt, _____, vinegar and _____."

In the attic, Gloria found an old family Bible. When she opened it, a large pressed ______ fell out. "Aha!", she said, "Adam must have left his ______ here."

Teacher: "Do you know that Russel boy?" Principal: "What about him?" Teacher: "Not only is he the ______-behaved child in the school, but he has a perfect ____ record."

Dan: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a policeman to follow in my father's ____." Stan: "I didn't know your father was a policeman." Dan: "He's not. He's a ___."

Grandma: "I like to go to bed and wake up with the chickens, don't you?" Betty: No, I like to sleep in ____ ____ ____."

Salesman: "Little boy, is your mother home?" Willie: "Yes, sir." (After knocking and knocking with no reply) Salesman: "I thought you said your mother was home." Willie: "She is, but we ____ ____ ____."

Teacher: "Now, Jackie, what is the highest form of animal life?" Jackie: " I think it's the _____."

Father: "Don't go into the water right after lunch, It's dangerous to swim on a full _____." Son: "That's all right, Dad. I'll swim on my ___."

Mother: "Where are you off to, Hubert?" Hubert: "I'm going to watch a solar eclipse." Mother: " All right, dear, but don't get too ____."

Bernie: "Dad, would you do my arithmetic for me?" Dad: "No, son, it wouldn't be ____." Bernie: "Well, at least you could ______.""

I was so surprised at my ____. I couldn't _____ for a year and a half.