1. The peril on the road is shown when there is a 'rocky outcrop', with its guttural alliteration affirming its ominous nature
when = through the phrase ; choice of phrase, need to be more explicit between link with alliteration and being ominous
25
2. The writer's hopes of finding gold being " swept away by the currrent" strengthens this connection even more, this time all but directly referring to the movement of the water in the river.
comma splice
15
3. The writer uses a lasting effect of mystery and danger by using vivid, visual imagery, metaphors and personification.
Too general and too vague
15
4. Perilous, menacing and life-threatening are words used to describe the road and its surroundings.
Overview statement: tautology and misleading wording (words used to describe)
20
5. The writer included the quote 'carcass of a vehicle' to prove that there has been such cases where people die fom falling off the cliff
Avoid word 'quote' / prove? / tense
15
6. The road and atmosphere is described as dangerous, eerie and lifeless.
is not are
10
7. This evokes an effect that the writer is suffering from poor physical condition
evoke a feeling/sensation/image....not an effect (create/has/gives an effect of)
25
8. The phrase " roars echoing" portrays the current of the river hitting against the rocks with great force.
Portrays something as something
25
9. In paragraph 3, the writer uses metaphors, imagery and personification whereas in paragraph 6 the writer uses imagery, indirect characterization and similes
Overview: way too general and obtuse / individual characterisation?
