I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
yellow!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you hear about the cheese that saved the world?
It was Legend-dairy
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.