Did you hear about the cheese that saved the world?
It was Legend-dairy
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
yellow!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.