I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!