Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!