Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.