I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.