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Reader's letters - Give some advice.

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  • I got invited to a party, but my parents won’t let me go. What now?
    You must tell them it’s a geography club meeting with pizza and loud music.
  • I always forget my PE clothes and my teacher’s angry
    You should start wearing gym clothes under your pajamas just in case.
  • My teacher gave me a great grade, but I didn’t do the work
    You ought to accept your destiny as a misunderstood genius.
  • I forgot to study for a test and now I’m stressed
    You might as well bring a crystal and start manifesting the answers.
  • I don’t have a good place to study at home. What can I do?
    You should turn your closet into a study cave and pretend it’s a private office.
  • My friend smokes and wants me to try it too. What do I say?
    You should say you only smoke brisket.
  • I want to ask someone out, but I’m too nervous. Help!
    You should slide into their DMs with a meme and a prayer.
  • I said something mean in a group chat and now everyone’s angry
    You should blame autocorrect and say you meant “angel” not “idiot.”
  • I want to dye my hair blue, but my school says no
    You must tell them it’s a symbol of your academic sadness.
  • My friend is being bullied online, and I don’t know how to help
    You should report the bully, then summon a meme army for emotional support.
  • Everyone in my class is going on a trip, but I can’t afford it
    You should photoshop yourself into the group photos and pretend you were there.
  • I missed the bus for the third time this week
    You must now live at school. Congrats.
  • My parents want me to stop using TikTok, but I love it
    You should explain that your future career as a professional dancer depends on it.
  • I always leave homework for the last minute. How can I change this?
    You ought to start treating deadlines like wild animals—dangerous but fast.
  • I want to change schools, but I don’t know how to tell my parents
    You must say, “I love you… but I hate the cafeteria.”
  • I feel tired all the time but go to bed late
    You should stop scrolling at 2 a.m. unless you're curing diseases.
  • I forgot my friend’s birthday and now she’s not talking to me
    You should tell her you were waiting for the real birthday, the one in her soul.
  • My friend is acting strange lately and won’t talk to me
    You ought to bribe them with snacks and emotional Spotify playlists.
  • My classmate keeps borrowing money and never pays me back
    You should start accepting payment in chocolate or awkward favors.
  • My little brother broke my phone. I’m really angry
    You must teach him to mow lawns until you can afford a new one… or a new brother.
  • I’m addicted to my phone. I check it every five minutes
    You must lock it in a drawer and give the key to your cat.
  • My best friend likes the same person I like. What now?
    You might as well challenge them to a rap battle for the prize.
  • My best friend keeps copying my homework. I feel bad saying no
    You ought to let them fail once for character development.
  • I shared a secret by mistake. I feel bad
    You should say your mouth glitched—classic software update issue.
  • My friend keeps interrupting me when I talk. It’s annoying
    You must interrupt them back, but only in pirate voice.
  • I’m failing maths and my parents don’t know yet
    You might have to fake a sudden interest in interpretive dance.
  • I saw someone cheat on a test. Should I tell the teacher?
    You should tell the teacher… if you’re not also planning to cheat later.
  • I think I lost my school laptop. I don’t know how to tell my teacher
    You must say your dog needed it for his online barketing course.
  • My teacher gave me a bad grade, but I think it’s unfair. Should I say something?
    You should write an emotional email… in comic sans.
  • I told a lie and now it’s getting worse. What should I do?
    You should’ve stopped at the first lie, not built a Netflix series out of it.