What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.