Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.