Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!