How do you make the number one disappear?
Add the letter G and it’s “gone”
People buy me to eat, but never eat me. What am I?
A plate
Why would a man living in New York not be buried in Chicago?
Because he is still living
What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?
Silence
A clerk at the butcher shop is six feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?
Meat. He works at the butcher shop, so he weighs meat for a living.
What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?
His breath
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel
What goes up but never goes down?
Your age
What has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but never walks, and has a bank but no money?
A river
If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?
There is no smoke
If a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks and a pink house is made out of pink bricks, what is a green house made of?
Glass
What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A clock
What word begins and ends with an E but only has one letter?
Envelope
Bobby throws a ball as hard as he can. It comes back to him, even though nothing and nobody touches it. How?
He throws it straight up.
A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?
None of them, because you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree!
What has a neck but no head?
A bottle
What ship has two mates, but no captain?
A relationship
What is next in this sequence? JFMAMJJASON . . .
The letter “D.” The sequence contains the first letter of each month.