How can you tell when a cat is happy?
When it's feline fine.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
Because it has a million degrees!
What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor's hair?
Ceasers
Why was Dumbo sad?
He felt irrelephant
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because it's always spotted.
Why was six nervous?
Because seven eight nine.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.
What kinds of emotions do noses feel?
Nostalgia
Why don't pirates know the alphabet?
Because they keep getting lost at C.
What kind of undies do clouds wear?
Thunderwear
What did the duck say when waiter gave him the check?
Put it on my bill
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
Know any good rope jokes?
I'm a frayed knot.
Can February March?
No but April May.
What did one potato say to the other?
I've got my fries on you.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Trouble.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator
Why are bananas so good?
They've got appeal.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
Barbecue
Why couldn't the bike stand up?
It was two-tired.
Why did the barber win the race?
Because it took a short cut.