What ship has two mates, but no captain?
A relationship
A clerk at the butcher shop is six feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?
Meat. He works at the butcher shop, so he weighs meat for a living.
What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?
His breath
What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A clock
If a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks and a pink house is made out of pink bricks, what is a green house made of?
Glass
What has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but never walks, and has a bank but no money?
A river
Divide 30 by ½ and add 10. What’s the answer?
70. You’re dividing 30 by ½, not by two
When Ashley was 15, her mother was 37. Now, her mother is twice her age. How old is Ashley?
Ashley is 22. Her mother is 22 years older, so when Ashley is 22, she’s now half her mother’s age.
Why would a man living in New York not be buried in Chicago?
Because he is still living
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel
What is next in this sequence? JFMAMJJASON . . .
The letter “D.” The sequence contains the first letter of each month.
Bobby throws a ball as hard as he can. It comes back to him, even though nothing and nobody touches it. How?
He throws it straight up.
People buy me to eat, but never eat me. What am I?
A plate
What word begins and ends with an E but only has one letter?
Envelope
What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?
Silence
What has a neck but no head?
A bottle
A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?
None of them, because you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree!
How do you make the number one disappear?
Add the letter G and it’s “gone”
What goes up but never goes down?
Your age
If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?
There is no smoke