Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.