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Dad Jokes
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I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Oops!
Okay!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Oops!
Okay!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Oops!
Okay!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Oops!
Okay!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Oops!
Okay!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Oops!
Okay!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Oops!
Okay!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Oops!
Okay!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Oops!
Okay!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Oops!
Okay!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Oops!
Okay!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Oops!
Okay!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Oops!
Okay!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Oops!
Okay!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Oops!
Okay!
Did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Oops!
Okay!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Oops!
Okay!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Oops!
Okay!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Oops!
Okay!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Oops!
Okay!
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Oops!
Okay!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Oops!
Okay!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Oops!
Okay!
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