Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!