If an electric train is travelling south which way is the smoke going?
Electric trains don’t produce smoke.
What type of cheese is made backwards?
Edam
What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Trouble
What question can you never say ‘yes’ to?
"Are you asleep?"
What is the worst vegetable to have on a boat?
A leek
When I’m ripe, I’m green, when you eat me, I’m red, and when you spit me out, I’m black. What am I?
A watermelon
If 2 is company and 3 is a crowd, what is 4 and 5?
Nine.
How can you make the number one disappear?
Add the letter ‘G’. It becomes ‘gone’.
What begins with T, finishes with T, and has T in it?
A teapot
If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 8 in the other, what would I have?
Very big hands.
What goes up when the rain comes down?
An umbrella
What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
The letter H.
How many eggs would a rooster lay over three weeks, provided it is adequately fed and housed?
Zero. Roosters do not lay eggs.
What do you call a cat who loves to swim?
A catfish
What goes up and down the stairs without moving?
A carpet