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SHORT JOKES IN ENGLISH
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What kind of water cannot freeze? /hɒt ˈwɔːtə/
HOT WATER
What fish only swims at night? /ə ˈstɑːfɪʃ/
A STARFISH
What is full of holes but still holds water? /ə spʌnʤ/
A SPONGE
Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel on the moon? /bɪˈkɒz ɪt wəz fʊl/
BECAUSE IT WAS FULL
What is the least spoken language in the world? /saɪn ˈlæŋgwɪʤ/
SIGN LANGUAGE
What did one eye say to the other eye? /bɪˈtwiːn jʊ ənd miː ˈsʌmθɪŋ smelz/
BETWEEN YOU AND ME SOMETHING SMELLS
Why did the Maths book look so sad? /bɪˈkɒz ɪt həd lɒts əv ˈprɒbləmz/
BECAUSE IT HAD LOTS OF PROBLEMS
Why do dogs run in circles? /ɪt ɪz tuː hɑːd tə rʌn ɪn skweəz/
IT IS TOO HARD TO RUN IN SQUARES
What instrument to skeletons like to play? /ə trɒmˈbəʊn/
A TROM BONE (HUESO) TROMBONE
Why do witches fly on brooms? /bɪˈkɒz ˈvækjʊəm ˈkliːnəz kɑːnt flaɪ/
BECAUSE VACUUM CLEANERSCAN'T FLY
What breaks every time you name it? /ˈsaɪləns/
SILENCE
What did the bee say to the flower? /ˈheˈləʊ ˈhʌnɪ/
HELLO HONEY
Why did the old man fall in the well? /bɪˈkɒz hiː kʊdnt siː ðæt wel/
BECAUSE HE COULDN¡T SEE THAT WELL
How many apples grow on a tree? /ɔːl əv ðəm/
ALL OF THEM
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? /ˈnəʊbədɪ nəʊz/
NOBODY KNOWS
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? /jʊ ˈnevə siː ə ˈkærət ˈweərɪŋ ˈglɑːsɪz/
YOU NEVER SEE A CARROT WEARING GLASSES
How much do you love me? /aɪ æm ðə ˈməʊbaɪl ənd jʊ ə miː (SIM)/
I AM THE MOBILE AND YOU ARE MY SIM
Q: What starts with "P", ends with "E", and has millions of letters? /ðə pəʊst ˈɒfɪs/
A POST OFFICE
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework? /ˈstjuːdənt nəʊ hiː dɪd ɪt ɔːl baɪ hɪmˈself/
STUDENT¨: NO, HE DID IT ALL BY HIMSELF
 Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! /ˈweɪtə ˈsɒrɪ sɜː//ðə flaɪ ɪz ɒn vəˈkeɪʃən/
WAITER: SORRY SIR, THE FLY IS IN THE KITCHEN
he doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'/ðə ˈdɒktə əˈgen ('Yes) jʊ ə ˈverɪ ˈʌglɪ (too')/
THE DOCTOR AGAIN: YES, YOU ARE VERY SICK
I was born in California." "Which part?" /ɔːl əv miː/
ALL OF ME
I want to share everything with you. /lets stɑːt frɒm jə bæŋk əˈkaʊnt/
LET`S START FROM YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
 Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. /jes sɜː/ /jʊ ə ə ˈtæksɪ/
YES, SIR, YOU ARE A TAXI
"Did you enjoy your first day at school?" /fɜːst deɪ/ /duː jʊ miːn aɪ həv tə gəʊ bæk təˈmɒrəʊ/
FIRST DAY, YOU MEAN I HAVE TO GO BACK TOMORROW?
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