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Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!


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