What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!