Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.