What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.