What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.