What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.