When there is so much sickening poverty in the world, it's incredibly unfair that some people live in luxury.
Inappropriate. Too emotional (sickening poverty) too informal (super angry)
15
I would love to study abroad, but unfortunately, the costs are too high for me.
Inappropriate. Too personal.
15
Instead of using cars, it is much much better to use public transport such as buses, trams, trains, ferries, trolleybuses and so on.
Inappropriate. 'much much better' and 'so on' are not formal. The list is redundant information.
15
There is considerably more to academic research than looking up facts on the internet.
Appropriate
15
It is absolutely crazy that governments can't solve even the tiniest of problems.
Inappropriate. 'crazy and tiniest' not formal language. Don't write 'can't' - no contractions.
15
I am going to explain my deep and personal thoughts on this topic and then I shall give you a conclusion.
Inappropriate style and irrelevant information.
15
Unemployment is a difficult subject for me to write about as I have never been unemployed. Apart from when I was 18 and living with my parents.....
Inappropriate. Pointless personal information.
15
Can politicians be trusted? Or are they more interested in their own careers? Who can say?
Inappropriate. Don't ask questions.
15
To dismiss popular music as nothing more than light entertainment is to ignore the role it plays in millions of peoples' lives.
Appropriate
15
All things considered, I believe that English is far easier to learn than German.
Appropriate
15
There is no point having loads of violence in films and anyways, explicitly violent films are boring too.
Not appropriate. 'anyways, too'. Poor sentence structure.
15
Tourism is a big industry. In some ways that is good. In other ways that is bad.
Inappropriate. Too simple
15
Many people would agree that being a parent can be mundane, stressful and challenging at times. Nevertheless, I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Appropriate
15
In general, therefore, we can conclude that, on the whole, television has usually has an overall positive impact.
Inappropriate. Too many irrelevant phrases and commas.
15
Many of my friends go to the gym or workout quite frequently.
Inappropriate. Too personal. refer to society, not your friends.