A man got hit in the head with a can of coke...
but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
At an ATM, this lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof...
I was shocked!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato
Why was the mama firefly unhappy?
Because her kids weren't very bright.
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno!......Dos!!!"
The poof! He was gone without a tres.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What is a plumber's favorite shoes?
Clogs
My friend David lost his ID.
Now we just call him Dave.
Why did the orange stop halfway across the road?
Because it ran out of juice!
What kind of music scares balloons?
Pop music.
Why are frogs always so happy?
Because they just eat whatever bugs them.
