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Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?
He didn't have the guts
How does a taco say grace?
Lettuce pray
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
Yellow!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up
What do you call a poor Santa Clause?
Saint Nickle-less
Where did you learn to make a banana split?
Sundae school
A skeleton walks into a bar. What does he say?
I'll have a beer and a mop.
Where do fruits go on vacation?
Pear-is
What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by its community?
A socially dissed ant
Two vegans get into a fight
Is it still considered a beef?
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because of all of its problems
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?
They just seem a little shady
Within minutes the detectives knew what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case
Why do vampires always seem sick?
They're always coffin
What do Santa's elves listen to as they work?
Wrap music
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it
Can February march?
No, but April may!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's ET short for?
Because he's got tiny legs
Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?
They have no body to go with
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it
Want to hear a joke about construction?
I'm still working on it
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
A satisfactory
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well
A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da brie is everywhere
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well I'm not gonna spread it!
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired
What do you call mac 'n cheese that gets all up in your face?
Too close for comfort food
What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback
When I was a kid, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be when I grow up.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!


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