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Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!


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