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A man was just doing his job when his suit was torn. Why did he die three minutes later?
He was an astronaut on a space walk, doing repairs.
I can be long, or I can be short. I can be grown, and I can be bought. I can be painted, or left bare. I can be round, or square. What am I?
Your fingernails.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?
The word Ton.
Can a man legally marry his widow's sister in the state of California?
NO since she is a 'widow', the guy's dead!
If 5 cats catch 5 mice in 5 minutes, how long will it take one cat to catch a mouse?
five minutes
I always follow you around, everywhere you go at night. I look very bright to people, but I can make the sun dark. I can be in many different forms and shapes. What am I?
The moon
While on my way to St. Ives, I saw a man with 7 wives. Each wife had 7 sacks. Each sack had 7 cats. Each cat had 7 kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, and wives. How many were going to St. Ives?
Just one, me.
There are 2 ducks in front of 2 other ducks. There are 2 ducks behind 2 other ducks. There are 2 ducks beside 2 other ducks. How many ducks are there?
Just four, in a square formation.
I am strong enough to smash ships, but I fear the Sun. What am I?
ice
When will water stop running downhill?
When it reaches the bottom.
If there are four sheep, two dogs, and one herds-men, how many feet are there?
Two. Sheep have hooves; dogs have paws; only people have feet
I'm not clothes but I cover your body; The more I'm used, the thinner I grow. What am I?
Bar of soap
A time when they are green, a time when they're brown, but both of these times, cause me to frown. But just in between, for a very short while, They're perfect and yellow and cause me to smile! What am I talking about here?
Bananas
Two girls have the same parents and were born at the same hour on the same day of the same month, but they are not twins. How can this be possible?
They were not born in the same year.
I am a word of six; my first three letters refer to an automobile; my last three letters refer to a household animal; my first four letters is a fish; my whole is found in your room. What am I?
a carpet
I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall. What am I?
A chick in an egg.
How can you take 2 from 5 and leave 4?
F I V E Remove the 2 letters F and E from five and you have IV which is the Roman numeral for four.
Always in you, Sometimes on you; If I surround you, I can kill you. What am I?
Water.
I can be cracked, I can be made. I can be told, I can be played. What am I?
A Joke!
There are two monkeys on a tree and one jumps off. Why does the other monkey jump too?
Monkey see monkey do.
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mount Everest
I go up & then come down, A sight to the sour eyes, people love me. Rhymes with mountain, a pen in my name, A state of matter, who am I?
Water Fountain
What 8 letter word can have a letter taken away and it still makes a word. Take another letter away and it still makes a word. Keep on doing that until you have one letter left. What is the word?
The word is starting! starting, staring, string, sting, sing, sin, in, I. Cool,huh?
There are two bodies on the floor. They are surrounded by water and broken glass. How did they die?
The bodies were goldfish because their fishbowl got knocked over onto the floor and broke.
How many sides does a circle have?
Two. The inside and the outside.
I am as light as a feather, yet no man can hold me for long. What am I?
Your Breath.