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I am the first in Earth, the second in Heaven. I appear two times in a week, and I am in the middle of the sea. What am I?
The letter E.
I am the beginning of sorrow and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.
The letter S
When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you happy. When old, I am valued more than ever.
Wine
Which travels faster? Hot or Cold?
Hot is faster, because you can catch a cold.
I do not have any special powers, but I can predict the score of any football game before it begins. How can I do this?
Well, the score before any football game is always zero to zero.
Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mt. Everest. It was still the highest in the world. It just had not been discovered yet!
You are a cyclist in a cross-country race. Just before the crossing finish line, you overtake the person in second place. In what place did you finish?
Second Place. If you pass the person in second, you take second place, and they become third.
Your parents have six sons including you and each son has one sister. How many people are in the family?
Nine. Two parents, six sons, and one daughter. All of them have one sister (not six sisters).
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a short one. Madonna does not use hers. Bill Clinton always uses his. The Pope never uses his. What is it?
His family / surname.
A man is looking at a photograph of someone. His friend asks who it is. The man replies, “Brothers and sisters, I have none. But that man’s father is my father’s son.” Who was in the photograph?
His son.
What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?
Your breath!
Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I?
Fire
Imagine that you are in a boat, in the middle of the sea. Suddenly, you are surrounded by hungry sharks, just waiting to feed on you. How can you put an end to this?
Stop imagining!
A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?
You do not bury the SURVIVORS!
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge!
Which is heavier? A pound of feathers or a pound of rocks?
Neither. Both weigh a pound!
Jimmy’s mother had four children. She named the first Monday. She named the second Tuesday, and she named the third Wednesday. What is the name of the fourth child?
Jimmy, because Jimmy’s mother had four children!
In a year, there are 12 months. Seven months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
They all do.
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but nine die. How many are left?
Nine
Mike is a butcher. He is 5’10” tall. What does he weigh?
Meat
Who is bigger: Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, or their baby?
The baby, because he is a little bigger.
You are in a cabin and it is pitch black. You have one match on you. Which do you light first, the newspaper, the lamp, the candle, or the fire?
You light the match first!
There are three houses. One is red, one is blue, and one is white. If the red house is to the left of the house in the middle, and the blue house is to the right to the house in the middle, where is the white house?
In Washington, D.C.!
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