While multinational companies provide employment opportunities, but they often cause local businesses to go bankrupt.
Contrast sentences mistakes. "While" and "but" can't be used together; TWO linkers CAN NOT join only TWO clauses. Remove the "but".
One of the reason for the popularity of the cinema is that watching films on the big screen are more exciting.
Subject / Verb Agreement mistake. With “one”, use a PLURAL noun after “of the” (reasons). With a clause with a gerund, use a SINGULAR verb (is).
Not only advertising affects people’s spending habits, but it also has an impact on the types of products we desire.
Inversion mistake. Not only DOES advertising AFFECT people’s spending habits, it also has an impact on the types of products we desire.
Problem of the crime is very common in the cities, and is one that government has to deal with in future.
Articles mistake. The problem of Ø crime is very common in Ø cities, and is one that the government has to deal with in future.
If the government spends more on promoting healthy lifestyles, it would encourage people to change their habits and to become more active.
If ... SPENDS ..., it WILL encourage ... = 1st conditional (likely). Or : If ... SPENT ..., it WOULD encourage ... = 2nd conditional (unlikely).
Many people today are not having a regular rest, which means that they are being stressed.
Don't use present continuous to describe a FACT. Many people today DO not HAVE a regular rest, which means that they are stressed.
By selling my car resulted in me being able to buy a computer.
Don't add “by" or "for” before a gerund. SELLING my car resulted in me buy a computer. OR By SELLING my car, I could afford to buy a computer.
Every member of community should be given a chance to have their basic right of learning, it’s the government’s job to provide people with this opportunity.
Run-on sentence (magic comma). Every member of community should be given a chance to have their basic right of learning, SO it’s the government’s job to ...
Overall, it can clearly be seen that the total amount of electric production was skyrocketed in Australia and France in 20 years.
Unnecessary passive voice. Overall, it can clearly be seen that the total amount of electric production SKYROCKETED in Australia and France in 20 years.
Although children are used to studying when they finish school.
Fragments mistake; add a second clause. Although children are used to ... school, they can still benefit from a year off before university.
