Born in Mexico in 1964, his mother remarried to another husband when he was 4.
redundant - no need to say 'to another husband'
20
Since young, he was in love with computers and engineering.
Tense: since young he had been in love with computers and engineering.
10
Growing up in such a strong family was hard for him, his family wanted him to pursue a law career
Punctuation- comma splice (should be a semi-colon)
20
Ford also showed great foresight by increasing the daily wage for his workers, more than double what they previously made…
Tense: more than they had previously been paid
15
His father as a notable inventor and also the founder of Toyoda Automatic Loom Works. Later on, he attended the University of Tokyo where he had started to develop an interest on automobiles. He had further continued his studies to United S
Repetition/over use of the personal pronoun: he (use a variety of nouns to refer to him)
15
This entrepeneur still has many more failures that he had worked through. He always learnt from those failures.
Tense: has worked through but he always learns from them (repetition)
15
...and in 1934, started producing feature-length cartoons instead of the formulaic cartoon shorts he was producing until now.
Tense/repetition: had been making up until then
25
28 years old and currently a thriving entrepreneur in the field of web designing, David Karp – the founder of one the world’s best social media platform has conquered all odds, emerging as a successful entrepreneur after 4 years of hard
Punctuation: comma or dash needed after plateform
20
Of coursre not everything went perfectly as there were challenging times he had to overcome, he lost billions of dollars in 2003 when the market crashed.
Punctuation: comma splice - should be colon or semi-colon after overcome
15
That was where he first learnt how to code and took interest in coding. He taught himself to code and his first code was to play tic-tac-toe with the computer. He joined a programming club to pursue his interests. He and his friend, Evan, w
Vary sentence openers/ repetition of 'He' / is the infomation signficant?
