These have increased the difficulty of positioning the swans as well as hindered conservation and research.
Not in the text/ inferring too much
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On the other hand, she had concerns of disturbing other migrating birds, also having to deal with uneducated, Russian children who hunt for migrating birds
Wrong linker/comma splice/prepositions (concern about/hunt)/ repetition of migrating birds
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20
The possibility of dislocating a knee during take-off and the instability of the paramotor were all contributing factors....
inaccurate content - she actually did dislocate her knee (not a possibility but a fact)
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When flying, the temperatures will drop and she cannot stay warm by moving her arms because it destabilizes the paraglider
Tenses/ should be in the past (would/couldn't) not a paraglider
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15
The cold temperatures during the journey was tough
temperatures / were
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While being homesick, she had grown quite attached to the swans
Points don't link / organisation issue
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She spent her time in a hospital getting a MRI. Additionally, she had dislocated her knee during a take-off
Combine these sentences as they are part of the same point
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10
Therefore, losing track of the swans is inevitable and saddening as Sacha got emotionally attached to them - possibly due to the lack of civilization
tense: was / too much inference
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20
A more trivial but still significant moment was the realisation that a swan had perished after going missing. Whilst not a huge logistical setback, it was still an emotionally powerful moment for Dench
Lack of concision - unnecessary wording
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A 7000 km journey, frigidly cold temperatures and doing it all from a swan's perspective are factors making the journey challenging