New Year's Jokes & Riddles

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  • What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more?
    Watch TV with subtitles.
  • What should you never eat on New Year's Eve?
  • What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
    Turns over a new leaf.
  • What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
    Happy BOO year!
  • Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve?
    Times Square.
  • What did the farmer give his wife on New Year's Eve?
    Hogs and kisses.
  • What do you say to your friends on New Year's Eve?
    "I haven't seen you since last year."
  • What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
    No one is ever awake to see them.
  • What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
  • Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
    Because 9, 8, 7....
  • What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
    Moo Years Eve.
  • Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
    To ring in the new year.
  • What did the cheerleaders say on New Year's Day?
    "Happy New Cheer!"
  • What is a corn's favorite holiday?
    New Ear's Day.
  • Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
    To start off the new year in a cool way.
  • What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
    One was charged and the other was let off.
  • Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
    It's too far to walk.
  • Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
    Calendar companies.
  • What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
    To travel more.
  • What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
    He got 12 months!