What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more?
Watch TV with subtitles.
What should you never eat on New Year's Eve?
Firecrackers.
What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
Turns over a new leaf.
What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
Happy BOO year!
Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve?
Times Square.
What did the farmer give his wife on New Year's Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
What do you say to your friends on New Year's Eve?
"I haven't seen you since last year."
What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is ever awake to see them.
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7....
What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
Moo Years Eve.
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
To ring in the new year.
What did the cheerleaders say on New Year's Day?
"Happy New Cheer!"
What is a corn's favorite holiday?
New Ear's Day.
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.
What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE?
One was charged and the other was let off.
Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
It's too far to walk.
Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
Calendar companies.
What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
He got 12 months!